Friday Feature: 10 Pimped-out Movie Cars You Want To Own by @destroytheearth

I'm sure you'll be expecting me to whiffle on about Steve McQueen's Mustang for a few hundred words. As much as I could, that would be rather pedestrian. No, films are about fiction and fantasy, so it is far more fun to consider the cars you cannot ever have because they exist only in a fevered imagination and a flurry of visual effects. What follows is a list of ten desirable cars that exist only in films, using reality as little more than a template upon which to build the ultimate pimped-out ride.

So, without further ado, cue the music....

1) The Tumbler - Batman Begins



Each generation has had its own Batmobile. A vehicle desired by children and childmen alike. Yet, until Christopher Nolan, no-one had built one that looked like it could actually work, rather than just being a weird-shaped car with slightly-camp fins taped on. Part tank, part sports car, with built-in missile launchers, chain guns and jumping facility; you know you want one, after all, chicks love the car.


2) The Delorean - Back To The Future Part II



The very idea of pimping a Delorean is insane genius, but a time-travelling Delorean is fuelled by sheer joy. Yet, a flying, time-travelling Delorean fuelled by household rubbish? Well, the joy becomes surplus and there is much to go around.


3) Audi RSQ - I, Robot

A film that was hated on release, yet a re-assessment on DVD may find much to redeem it; we should have known Proyas wouldn't let us down completely. One of the greatest targets of criticism for the film was its legendary level of product placement; nonetheless, that still managed to give us this car, which forever solves the issue of parallel parking by having spheres instead of wheels and comes complete with an auto-drive function. Not to mention: pretty.


4) Frankenstein Ford Mustang - Knight Rider 2010



I'd bet dollars to doughnuts that you've never seen this "film". I maintain that the pilot for this never-optioned reboot of the original Knight Rider TV show qualifies as Day Hollywood Stood Still territory as it was released as a 90-minute TV movie and it needs to be recommended to as many as possible as it is awesome. I spent large amounts of my childhood trying to decide if I wanted the bad guy's car that was made from the remains of an F117 Night Hawk Stealth Bomber or the new Kitt, which resembled a Mad Max-style Frankensteined Ford Mustang. The hero's car won out, however, mainly due to the fact that it came complete with an onboard hologramatic Hudson Leick, who could be accessed via virtual reality for brief periods of sexy time.


5)  Amphibious Lotus Esprit - The Spy Who Loved Me



It wasn't the first Bond gadget car by any means, but it remains the most ostentatious. An oil slick, rockets and a built-in submarine mode that can be accessed at the flick of a lever, and all in a rather swish retro sports car. Dashing.


6) Anti-vampire Dodge Charger - Blade

It was established for us by Kris Kristofferson in the original Blade that this car had a suped-up engine, but only in the final part of the trilogy did we realise the full Bond-style gadgetry of this vampire-slaying tool. We have a nitro-boost, bullet-proof windscreen, ultra-violet headlights, built-in shotgun holster and the convenience of deployment from the back of a juggernaut, Knight Rider-style. A must for any serious hunter of the undead.


7) The Pussy Wagon - Kill Bill

Unique on this list as this car actually exists; it belongs to Quentin Tarantino now. However, without the film, no mortal would ever have created a car so ruthlessly without taste that it becomes an object of high art.


8) Bumblebee - Transformers



Much of the robot smackdownery of Transformers is rooted on the adolescent anthropomorphisation of a boy's first car. As such, it is no wonder that this alien robot upgrades itself to the latest model Camaro, complete with Kill Bill theme tune; shoots a load of stuff up; helps the hero get the girl; and even chooses to stay on Earth as Shia Lebouf's pet car instead of returning to space, incomprehensibly. Still, immature or not, every man would want a car like this as surely as every man wants a girlfriend like Megan Fox.


9) Grease Lightening - Grease

Why this car is automatic, it's systematic, it's hydromatic. Why, it's grease lightning. We'll get some overhead lifters and some four-barrel quads, oh yeah. A fuel injection cut-off and chrome-plated rods, oh yeah. With a four speed on the floor, they'll be waiting at the door. You know that ain't no sh*t, we'll be getting lots of tit in Grease Lightning. Purple french tail lights and thirty inch fins, oh yeah. A Palomino dashboard and duel muffler twins, oh yeah. With new pistons, plugs, and shocks, I can get off my rocks. You know that I ain't bragging, she's a real pussy wagon: Grease lightning. Go, Grease Lightning, you're burning up the quarter mile. Go, Grease Lighting, you're coasting through the heat lap trial. You are supreme; the chicks'll cream, for Grease Lightning.

You know, no matter how many times I watch it, I am always a little shocked by how graphic the language of Grease is for a classic family film....


10) Aston Martin DBS - Casino Royale



Last of all, I offer you exactly what I said I wouldn't, a car that can actually be purchased almost as is; apart, of course, from a built-in defibrillator... that and it's so beautiful.... look at it... before it smashes into a million tiny pieces....