Five movies that MUST be remade

Hollywood has remakes falling from every orifice right now. So deprived of original ideas is the gestalt entity that all it can do is recycle history. Who actually wanted a Dukes of Hazard or Starsky and Hutch film? Who asked for a post-modern reboot of Rear Window? Why would you think Day The Earth Stood Still would work in the modern day? Wasn't The Nutty Professor bad enough the first time round? However, Casino Royale was amazing, the most successful remake ever and such an improvement on the Peter Seller original, the new Star Trek reboot is sounding like it might go down a storm and there are a raft of possibly worthy remakes incoming: Last Starfighter, Taking of Pelham 123 and Barbarella all sound good. So, if remakes can, potentially, be worthwhile, there must be some films that are worth being remade? I've already discussed the potential of Ghost In The Shell in a previous post, but here are five more films I think could work:


Already a remake itself, 1965's She Who Must Be Obeyed is a stone-cold classic. Ursula Andress played the immortal, ice-queen tyrant of a lost civilisation who awaits the reincarnation of her lost love - John Richardson's womanising soldier-adventurer. Peter Cushing plays his wise mentor and Carry On's Bernard Cribbins plays his retro manservant. However, the meagre Hammer budget could never really illustrate the scale of the lost city of Kuma, a modern remake would remedy that. For director, how cool would it be to see Guillermo Del Toro give the film a manic, fantasy edge? I'm sure everyone will suggest Angelina Jolie for Ayesha, the titular She, but whilst there is no doubting that she's a great actress, I personally don't find her that attractive. Tricia Helfer could give the role both the cruelty and the humanity that would make it memorable, but I think only Monica Belucci could recapture Andress' drop-dead gorgeousness, with Ryan Reynolds' pretty-boy good looks to match as her lost love Callicrates. Ian McKellen and a sarcastic Ricky Gervais could complete the ensemble.

Empire Records

Not a remake, strictly, but a sequel would be marvellous. Who wouldn't want to see a grown-up Rory Cochrane taking time off from CSI to reprise his role as screw-up Lucas, now taking over from Joe as the manager of the titular Generation-X store. A new brat pack of odd-ball employees could be threatened, not by big business, but this time, by the death of CDs as iTunes takes over – a metaphor for the end of Generation X. A chance for the new employees to try on suits and prepare to grow up, not to mention for more capers and japes.

Enter The Dragon

Bruce Lee's defining moment was rather obviously the inspiration for the Mortal Kombat games, but nothing could beat the classic itself, except a steroid-boosted update! Jet-Li could take on his namesake's part as the secret agent infiltrating a Bond-villain reject's deadly island-based martial arts tournament. Li's mate Jason Statham could reprise the pair's War duet in John Saxon's role, whereas I'd love to see Vin Diesel as the rock-hard African-American contestant, previously played by Lee's student and friend Jim Kelly. The scene with the prostitutes must be kept completely intact! As the aforementioned villain, MK's Cary Tagawa would be ideal. As his near-invincible henchman? How can you go wrong with Tony Jaa? It could all be orchestrated with Quentin Tarantino, recapturing that Kill Bill genius.


He's already a remake king, but Daniel Craig would also be a worthy successor to Steve McQueen's hard-ass detective. To direct, well, we've always said Dark Knight was the superhero Heat, let's see Christopher Nolan do another crime flick. Could he make a car chase to rival the original San Francisco-set scene? Could he could copy the magic of the Bat-Pod chase without the tech? I'd love to find out!

Canadian Bacon

The original John Candy starrer pre-empted Wag The Dog by a fair few years in its portrayal of a corrupt government attempting to distract from its failures by staging a fake war. Candy's militant redneck decides to stage an advanced guerilla attack on the unsuspecting country. This brilliant idea is let down by a mediocre film, so let's do it justice; and who else could direct but those war-parodying, Canada-baiting wunderkinds Trey Parker and Matt Stone? Imagine President Bruce Boxleitner (a Clinton-alike if ever there was one) leading a singalong of Blame Canada as a rousing call to war, with a team of rednecks - featuring Paul Blart's Kevin James, Ashton Kutcher, Francis McDormand, Brad Pitt and Christopher Walken! - taking up the call to the sounds of Born In The USA and butchering innocent, unsuspecting Canadians in a spree of explosive Michael Mann-style violence, with a serious message! This film must be made!

Agree? Disagree? Have better ideas? Comment!

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