Wednesday Rewind: She-Creature by @lexx2099

Major studios currently have one rule when it comes to horror: remake, remake, and remake again. Slasher flicks are the norm, usually with a tired, post-Scream makeover for the ironic/not-ironic-but-don’t-actually-know-any-better audience. With this in mind, it may come as a surprise to find STS championing a remake, especially one that doesn’t even have the benefit of decent source material.

Taking a bloody awful 1956 Samual Arkoff movie as source, She-Creature thankfully plays fast and loose with it, originally billing itself as ‘The Mermaid Chronicles Part 1’ it seems they couldn’t be bothered to make any follow-ups.

First off, the script requires a roisty-toisty, rollicking Oirishman of the highest order. Who do you choose? Why, Rufus Sewell! A strange choice after his almost-breakout in A Knight’s Tale; Sewell has a fine ‘ol time begorrah, swaggering around the screen and spouting blarney about making it big in America to his some-sort-of-generic-cockerney-ought-to-do-it girlfriend, a pre-Silk Spectre Carla Gugino.

Playing off the punters with fake zombies and mermaids, the two come across a mad old wino at a show and, on finding out he has a cannibalistic, low-level telepath mermaid chained up in his living room -as you do- decide to nick it and head to America, where Sewell is convinced he’ll make it big . What could go wrong?

Of course, once on board ship, things go pear shaped pretty quickly, with the previously ex-playmate-faced mermaid sprouting odd fins and webs, invading the dreams of young Carla, playing havoc with her menstrual cycle and eventually roaming the decks and chowing down on hapless crewmen. Meanwhile the ship is hopelessly lost in a huge storm, and headed toward Mermaid Island!

Mermaid Island!!

There’s a nightmarish, hyper-real quality about the film, with fever-dream Giallo colouring, and the whole thing is shot in the style of Hammer, lots of slow pans and dodgy handheld shaky-cam. Dry Ice swarms around; yapping, cannibal eel-maids await in inky, black waters; and, at the end, we finally see the name of the ship… You don’t even want to know.

She-Creature is brilliant, dazzling rubbish. This tale spins out like a carnival hawker’s cries: brash, overcooked garbage with enough strange turns, grains of truth and half-remembered elements from childhood stories to make it stick with you. Well worth £2 of anyone’s money!

Today's post was submitted by Matt, a webmaster for Epic Win Media and experienced film blogger. You can read his film reviews at Slashing The Seats or follow him on Twitter: @Lexx2099

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