Mops. How they've vexed me. I had one when I moved into my new flat, but the other half decided to get rid of it. "You don't need it. " she opined knowingly. "The kitchen is barely five feet square, it'll just get in the way. "
After getting down on my knees for an hour and a half to painstakingly clean that self, same kitchen floor with a hand sponge, I can't help but think that, had there been a real mop to hand, I wouldn't have had to bash her brains out with a frying pan and use her hair as a substitute. Fortunately, I was able to dispose of the body in the Thames and escaped without consequence. Much as Jerry Bruckheimer manages to do with his latest foray into action/adventure nonsense.
Do you see what I did there? I love a good seague me. Hit the jump for the review:
Anyway, having watched the Bruck's latest masterpiece, I can honestly say that was wrong about the mop.
Based on its name's heritage, Disney has seen fit to wedge at least one gigantic dancing mop interlude into the middle of this, a generally-enoyable piece of mixed demographic fluff.
It serves no purpose to watch a dancing broomstick anally intrude on a gurning Jay Baruchel, but then, neither does much else here. Bruckheimer is, above all, the master of the empty-headed thrill ride, and he proves a deft hand at weaving giant metallic eagles, surprisingly-scary and slightly-gross dragons and some seriously bone-crunching fight sequences into what is, at heart, a fun-filled fantasy for tiny tots.
Sticking with the mop theme, let's turn our attention to the ever-overly-hirsute Nic Cage, who, along with Alfred Molina as a villainous sorcerer, actually convinces you once or twice that a disciple of Merlin himself could have that accent.
One of the odd things going on here – anal intrusion aside – is that The Sorceror's Apprentice seems to be made up of two distinct films. On the one hand, the older cast members are caught up in a stagey romantic tragedy, two rival magicians fighting for the love of a third (Monica Belluci – bloody gorgeous as usual), while caught up on different sides of an aeon's-old magical war.
Oh, yeah, there's quite a bit about the relationship between science and magic here as well, which hasn't quite been thought through, but is a neat touch.
And that's about it plot wise really. Cue Jerry.
What Bruckheimer excels at here is managing to paper over the gaping holes in the writing with some explosive action sequences. Sports cars that battle in mirror universes, buildings that burst into life, evil sorcerer's from beyond time blowing up half of China town. It's all here, and it's never less than spectacular. The effects are well handled and, surprisingly, given the amount of CGI present, don't detract from the gun-barrel chase driving the whole thing along.
While it's obviously skewed at the 7-12 market, there are some sequences that might be a little too much for younger children, but this is a fun-filled ride with ever-so-slightly more depth than you'd expect, some fun battles, cool explosions and decent, if diametrically-opposed. acting styles on display. There's a rich seam of physical comedy that works well, although, again, the jokes are pitched fairly young.
Overall this is actually more fun than it has any right to be. If you have kids and need an alternative to Inception come family movie night, you could do a lot worse.
After getting down on my knees for an hour and a half to painstakingly clean that self, same kitchen floor with a hand sponge, I can't help but think that, had there been a real mop to hand, I wouldn't have had to bash her brains out with a frying pan and use her hair as a substitute. Fortunately, I was able to dispose of the body in the Thames and escaped without consequence. Much as Jerry Bruckheimer manages to do with his latest foray into action/adventure nonsense.
Do you see what I did there? I love a good seague me. Hit the jump for the review:
Anyway, having watched the Bruck's latest masterpiece, I can honestly say that was wrong about the mop.
Based on its name's heritage, Disney has seen fit to wedge at least one gigantic dancing mop interlude into the middle of this, a generally-enoyable piece of mixed demographic fluff.
It serves no purpose to watch a dancing broomstick anally intrude on a gurning Jay Baruchel, but then, neither does much else here. Bruckheimer is, above all, the master of the empty-headed thrill ride, and he proves a deft hand at weaving giant metallic eagles, surprisingly-scary and slightly-gross dragons and some seriously bone-crunching fight sequences into what is, at heart, a fun-filled fantasy for tiny tots.
Sticking with the mop theme, let's turn our attention to the ever-overly-hirsute Nic Cage, who, along with Alfred Molina as a villainous sorcerer, actually convinces you once or twice that a disciple of Merlin himself could have that accent.
One of the odd things going on here – anal intrusion aside – is that The Sorceror's Apprentice seems to be made up of two distinct films. On the one hand, the older cast members are caught up in a stagey romantic tragedy, two rival magicians fighting for the love of a third (Monica Belluci – bloody gorgeous as usual), while caught up on different sides of an aeon's-old magical war.
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| Hadouken! |
Baruchal and love interest Teresa Palmer meanwhile are caught up in an only vaguely-related New York love story. Hanging out, listening to music, building experimental coil energy systems...
Oh, yeah, there's quite a bit about the relationship between science and magic here as well, which hasn't quite been thought through, but is a neat touch.
And that's about it plot wise really. Cue Jerry.
What Bruckheimer excels at here is managing to paper over the gaping holes in the writing with some explosive action sequences. Sports cars that battle in mirror universes, buildings that burst into life, evil sorcerer's from beyond time blowing up half of China town. It's all here, and it's never less than spectacular. The effects are well handled and, surprisingly, given the amount of CGI present, don't detract from the gun-barrel chase driving the whole thing along.
While it's obviously skewed at the 7-12 market, there are some sequences that might be a little too much for younger children, but this is a fun-filled ride with ever-so-slightly more depth than you'd expect, some fun battles, cool explosions and decent, if diametrically-opposed. acting styles on display. There's a rich seam of physical comedy that works well, although, again, the jokes are pitched fairly young.
Overall this is actually more fun than it has any right to be. If you have kids and need an alternative to Inception come family movie night, you could do a lot worse.
Ha, good review, Bruckheimer is always good for a bit of escapism.
ReplyDeleteAnd Monica Bellucci....ALWAYS gorgeous!
Michelle
@m_allison