So, Johnny, Keira and Orlando are pretty scoundrelish, and so are the space-pirate crew of Serenity, but who's more scoundrely? There's only one way to find out: FIGHT!!!
1) The Rascal Captain
Undoubtedly one of the greatest characters in the last ten years of cinema, Depp's Sparrow started off as a Keith Richards parody and became an institution. Now the trilogy is over, Cap'n Jack is the only reason to watch the fourth film.
Serenity: Captain Mal Reynolds
"Bad, in the latin", Nathan Fillion's character is no such thing. The sex idol of millions of teenage geeks and as regarded in some circles as Depp's creation, you can't count out this wise-cracking, dubiously-moraled space pirate with a heart of gold... and he's been naked with Christina Hendricks....
Winner: Pirates Of The Caribbean
The Christina Hendricks thing is impressive, but Sparrow is just too great an invention
2) The Noble Hero
Pirates Of The Caribbean: Will Turner
Orlando Bloom gets a lot of flack, but I maintain that, whilst he may not be the most versatile actor, he is - at least - charismatic; and, no, I don't say that because he's from my home town.
Serenity: Doctor Simon Tam
Very noble, very worthy, very dull.... except when hooking up with Kaylee, but then Kaylee makes everything better... sigh....
Winner: Pirates Of The Caribbean
Controversial, yet conclusive
Pirates Of The Caribbean: Keira Knightley
The best Keira Knightley has ever looked because they've padded her up and given her boobs... There, I said it....
Winner: Serenity
Quantity and quality
Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Black Pearl
Maybe it is just an old-fashioned sailing ship, but it has black sails! And it's a pirate ship! A haunted pirate ship! Yaargh!
Serenity: The Serenity
However, the Serenity is a space-ship, that has to trump the Pearl, surely?
Winner: Pirates Of The Caribbean
No, pirates rock.
Pirates Of The Caribbean: Zombies/Fish Men/The East India Trading Company
Yes, they are cool baddies - ghostly zombie pirates, undead sea people, evil capitalists - but they are still Disney-fied, friendly baddies, who'll only kill you off screen.
Serenity: The Reavers/The Alliance
This is more like it! Crazed lunatics who will literally rape you to death and a bunch of galactic tyrants who think nothing about brainwashing their populace.
Winner: Serenity
Oddly, Disney does not do true evil particularly well...
Pirates Of The Caribbean:
(Link) View more Pirates Of The Caribbean Sound Clips and Movie Theme Song Sound Clips
(Link) View more Pirates Of The Caribbean Sound Clips and Movie Theme Song Sound Clips
A rollicking, swashbuckling theme song that is actually one of the best of the last ten years: epic.
Very similar to the infamous Enterprise theme, yet somehow not infuriatingly annoying. Perhaps it's the Western twang, or Joss Whedon's lyrics, which perfectly sum up the subtext of the show.
Winner: Pirates Of The Caribbean
Still, the Pirates theme is a work of genius that you'll be hearing in lesser movies for a long time to come,
Pirates Of The Caribbean:
Do the rogues of PoTC actually ever steal anything? The Dauntless, yes, but that can't be it, surely? They're pirates!
Serenity:
A good, old-fashioned bank robbery, that's more like it!
Winner: Serenity
Overall Winner: Pirates of The Caribbean!!!
There may be a certain underdog quality to Serenity, but let's be honest, PoTC has the big budget, the big actors and the big fun. Serenity just can't compete.
There may be a certain underdog quality to Serenity, but let's be honest, PoTC has the big budget, the big actors and the big fun. Serenity just can't compete.
Boo, hiss! Serenity was much more unusual, and much more enjoyable.
ReplyDeleteCome on Serenity is just "one episode" and maybe the last of a great show, Firefly. The full season of Firefly shows the crew as well as the ship to be more than equal to that of the PoTC. Jane alone is the single best Rascal in either series. The sheer depth of character and characters in Serenity/Firefly should carry the day. That being said if it's a single movie compared to a single move then PoTC beats Serenity but you did comment on the PoTC Trilogy as well as the 4th movie.
ReplyDeleteCalm down, Serenitards. They mentioned things from Firefly as well as Serenity, so it's not completely unfair. While I do agree that Serenity should have won, it was presented in a fair and equal fashion.
ReplyDeleteThe only contention I have is Simon v Will. They were both doing it for a girl, but Simon gave up bein' rich and respected to rescue his sister, not some dame he met on a ship a decade ago, which is much more noble.