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In Memoriam: Spoiler Pirate

We gather here today to pay tribute to our dear, departed friend Spoiler Pirate.




Known as "Spoiler P" to his friends, Spoiler Pirate was scourge of the high seas, video taper of cinema screens and master of parrots. He sailed the oceans blue, only stopping ashore to pick up the latest movie releases. He was known for his tendency to keelhaul landlubbers who told him the ending of films before he got his LoveFILM delivery.

In sympathy for others, he would pop up in advance of blog posts and mutter those immortal words: "Yaargh! Here be spoilers!" before vanishing into the night.

The sad end of Spoiler Pirate came this week during a staff meeting on the Day Hollywood Stood Still mothership. In attendance was our glorious leader; the mighty Gort' and dear Spoiler Pirate himself, along with several experts who had been drafted in to work on a reboot of the blog. These included freelance cartoonist Gavin Johnson; graphic artist Chris Johnson (no relation); producer and podcaster Lee Medcalf; writing expert and lady of mystery Ama Zing; webmaster, Sith Lord and Hufflepuff4life Matt Dillon; expert blogger and master of the occult Mr Jimothy Moon; and head of the Gort fan club Sarah Lazell.

Mr Moon appeared in a puff of smoke with a Victorian projector screen and displayed a new "dynamic" theme for the blog. We were all impressed, but found that it left no room for Gavin's designs. Lord Dillon declared the whole template a rebel plot to discredit us with redirect loops, while Gort disliked letting puny humans choose their own template.

Eventually, we came to a consensus that a redesign of the existing template was best. Ms Zing said something in French that we later translated as advanced CSS coding, while Mr Moon performed a psychic experiment and announced that our readers preferred dark text on a light background. Chris and Gavin set to work on banners and backgrounds, while Mr Medcalf was heard to mutter words we dare not repeat on a family website and wonder off in search of tea. Sarah, meanwhile, waved around mint-scented pompoms and shouted encouragement.

The 'incident' occurred after our glorious leader had unveiled the prototype for the new website to the group. All were in agreement that it was the way forward, until a single voice of dissent was heard: "Aargh! I don't see what was wrong with ye olde template."

Gort responded that he had no interest in the opinions of a biological lifeform and the argument escalated from there. Gort eventually questioned the need for a pirate cartoon character to be involved with a 50s scifi-themed blog. Spoiler Pirate responded by standing on the table and calling Gort a "tin-canned, microchip-brained, grog-blossomed landlubber", so Gort disintegrated him.

Spoiler Pirate will be sorely missed by the team, though his tendency to randomly fire his pistols under the table at staff meetings was occasionally fatal, it was horrible cleaning up the parrot droppings and we never did find out what that smell was around his desk...

Maybe Gort had the right idea...

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