B-movie heroes: Alex Proyas

Commander's Log, Stardate 18092012.2:

Things may have been getting back to normal on the Mothership, but I still refused to be denied my vengeance. Grabbing some make-up from Helen Cox of New Empress magazines's unattended handbag, I proceeded to white up my face and draw lines vertically over my eyes in black lipstick. I began by training a small raven to say "Gigli" over and over while following Helen around, sending her into irrational bursts of tears at random moments.

Next, I slipped into Gort's quarters while he was on a repair cycle and painted spirals over the walls, before taking a screwdriver to his vocal processor, changing his voice patterns from his default to one named "VIKI". 

The next morning, as I sat over breakfast, Gort entered the room and loomed over me. A feminine voice emanated from his speakers and asked: 'Just what is it with you and Alex Proyas movies anyway?"

B-movies Heroes - Rhona Mitra

Stardate 06072012.2:

Rising in the early afternoon, as is my wont, I found myself confronted by Gort and his girlfriend in the Mothership canteen. "What time do you call this?" Gort buzzed haughtily, arms crossed, wearing a black turtleneck and a ridiculous black beret. "Give it a rest, mate, it was a late one last night..." I began, but was immediately cut off by Helen Cox, Gort's girlfriend, who was sat at one of the tables in similar attire, but with the addition of dark glasses and a sour expression: "Quiet, chauvinist pig!" she bellowed.

I slowly rested my head against the fridge door, "I didn't drink nearly enough for this..." Still, Gort continued: "We have decided that it is time for a change. Your continued oppression of the human female gender cannot continue." "Eh?" I asked. Helen jumped to her feet and thumped her fist on the table, "We demand the end of your anti-feminist agenda of exaggerating the male contribution to low-grade cinema! We demand a B-movie Heroine!" she said, raising a fist in the air.

I looked to Gort. I looked back to her. "So, you want me to do a female B-movie Hero?" I asked. Slumping back down into her chair, she mumbled: "It's a start."

Steven Berkoff - The Most Mercenary Actor In Hollywood

Whilst we watched Fair Game last week, Gort was oddly silent. Eventually, he admitted his concern that his data banks had become corrupted. "This Russian villain played by a man named Berkoff?" he asked, "My information says he's English and a famous playwright?"

After briefly considering allowing Gort to spend several hours unnecessarily debugging his software for a laugh, I owned up and told him that Berkoff was a man who funded his plays by taking on the crappiest roles he could find, even ones that he only got because people thought he was Russian, all the while slagging these films off to the press.

"Fascinating," Gort muttered, with an evil, respectful glint in his ocular visor, "Tell me more..."

Ian McCulloch, ... uh... Alien Slayer, Part 3 - Contamination

In the final part of our look back at the work of the great Ian McCulloch, we're taking something of a diversion and blasting 'Mac' off into space to fight Alien rip offs.

Who better to detail these adventures than the high priest of the cult of McCulloch himself, Mr Jim Moon of Hypnogoria.com? Hit the jump and praise McCulloch:

Ian McCulloch, Zombie Slayer, Part 2 - Zombie Holocaust

In the second of our looks back at the Italian B-movie work of the great Mr Ian McCulloch, this week, we're examining Zombie Holocaust, a follow up to last week's Zombie Flesh Eaters.

The film has the same ideas, basic plot and even some of the same actors as Flesh Eaters, yet is a very different creature. Hit the jump to find out why:

Ian McCulloch, Zombie Slayer, Part 1 - Zombie Flesh Eaters

The Italians are a strange people. During the 70s and 80s, they released a whole raft of completely-unlicensed sequels to Hollywood movies. Somehow they got away with this, and the results were so awesome that many of the films were released internationally under different names.

The most successful of these was a string of sequels to Dawn of the Dead, which, of course, had nothing in common with Romero's movie other than the Italian name. For a full run down of the situation, check out the Hypnobobs podcast at Hypnogoria.com (run by the very-talented Mr Jim Moon). In the meantime, hit the jump and we can explain what makes two of these movies, and their star Ian McCulloch, so infamous.

B-movie heroes - Robert Rodriguez

If there is one man who defines what this blog is about, it is Robert Rodriguez.

He takes a blockbuster budget and pumps it in to the kind of grindhouse tosh that people actually want to see. Hit the jump and salute:

B-Movie Heroes: Paul W S Anderson

His name strikes terror into the heart of some critics and many see him as merely the king of cheesy video-game adaptations, but we think Paul W S Anderson is a legend.

Hit the jump below and find out why:

Robert E Howard

The man who created the trashy fantasy story, for all intents and purposes, may not be a movie maker, but his work continues to influence the cinematic genre up to the present day.

Just who was Robert E Howard and why does he deserve the adulation of a blog celebrating B-Movies? Hit the jump to find out:

B-Movie Heroes: Roger Corman

When we decided to do a B-Movie Heroes feature on the Sultan of Schlock himself, Roger Corman, there was only one man we could turn to...

That's right, we recruited the aid of the refined gentleman of retro horror, Mr Jim Moon of the Hypnogoria blog, to give us a run down of Mr Corman's greatest hits. Hit the jump and hail to the chief:

Vincent Price

On May 27th, Vincent Price, the master of the macabre, would have been 100 years old.

In celebration of this fact, our very own Jim Moon has been delving into the life and works of one of horror's best. Hit the jump to see what lurks in the shadows:

Michael Ironside

Canadian actor Michael Ironside may be the ultimate B-Movie Hero. Pick any 80s or 90s, fun B-Movie and you will find him somewhere in it.

To be frank, we can't believe it took Gort-fan Chris Johnson to suggest we celebrate the ultimate B-Movie badass in our competition to inspire us to put this article together. Mr Ironside and Mr Johnson, we salute you both, hit the jump if you concur:

Alexander Siddig

Sudanese/British actor Alexander Siddig is best known for his seven-series role on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, but he has gone on to make some crowd-pleasing appearances in a few of our kind of movies.

We cheer every time he appears on screen, so hit the jump and celebrate our first B-Movie Hero:

Five B-movie Actors Who Deserve A Shot At The Big Time

We love crap acting. As such, we love crap actors. However, just because a film is less than Oscar-worthy does not mean that all the actors in it deserve to reside in the pits of B-movie hell.

As such, let's scroll through our picks of the B-movie crop who deserve to be shipped to the supermarket shelves of Hollywood. Hit the jump to begin the countdown:

Friday Feature: Why Jason Statham Is The Greatest Actor In The World by @lexx2099

A rumbling carved-from-granite cockerney chancer and one-time British National Diving Squad member: perfect for low-budget crap like Death Race and innumerable sequels right?

Wrong.

As he cements his place in the international action fraternity in Sly's upcoming mercenary flick The Expendables, it’s time more people recognised The Stath for what he is – an iron willed made-in-Britain action monster that we bloody love!

To prove it, we’ve come up with the following list to showcase his versatility, believability and all-round ass-kickery as an actor. Duck and cover, and for God’s sake don’t make any bald jokes, as we look at the only dodgy cockney ever to trade up from Kelly Brook, and check out the best of The Stath!

Friday Feature: The Five Best Nazi Hunters by @lexx2099

Ever since Tarantino’s Basterds carved up critical opinion as though it was 1940s Berlin, Nazi's have been back on the menu as cinema's go-to big bads. We figured it was a perfect excuse to crack open the beers and watch a few two-fisted, boy’s own adventure WWII flicks. It’s all very well going on about Rambo and Arnie in Predator, but when it comes to kicking goose-stepping Nazi ass, you need a different calibre of hero entirely.

Join us then, as we don goggles and fleece-lined RAF jacket, pop a pipe in our gob, and, in our very best BBC English, concoct some cockamamey mission to rescue Winston Churchill’s secret exploding cigars from a Bavarian castle. This type of who dares wins needs a very special set of protagonists, so join us as we bring you the best: Nazi Fighters!

Friday Feature: Beards On Film by @lexx2099

When you imagine the classic leading-man names like Paul Newman, Cary Grant or Dirk Bogarde spring to mind. These guys were intense, clean cut and dependable. Their thrusting chins and fast-paced dialogue powering plenty of two-fisted detective tales and epics with casts of thousands. If there is a deep-down manly essence that sums up classic-era Hollywood, then it probably smells like Clark Gable. If you look really closely though, you’ll notice a dissenter in the ranks; Errol Flynn. This borderline-Nazi, sheep’s-bollock biter (Honestly! Wiki it!) from Queensland had one crucial advantage over his fellows that eventually gave rise to the phrase ‘In like Flynn’. What could it be? What was John Wayne missing that let our Errol slip between the sheets of a thousand starlets? Answer: the ‘tache.   

As Hollywood started to grow up in the 70s, this sorely-overlooked aspect of masculinity finally had the chance to sprout, manly face fungus filling our screens at every opportunity. Of course it took a while to get it right - Dennis Hopper had nothing on Chewbacca - but these days, if an actor wants to add gravitas to his performance, there’s only one way to go: hairy. Look at Clooney (Syriana), Pitt (Jesse James) and even Christian Bale (ummm… Reign of Fire..  more of which later…). So, what, if anything, is this woolly monologue leading to? Why, isn’t the answer obvious? Ladeez and Gents, we proudly give you:

The Greatest Facial Hair in Movies!